It’s been approximately one month since the nation chose to elect the ticket of Kanye West and Dalai Lama on the basis of “401K’s and Tax-breaks” and while we wait for what is potentially the most epilepsy inducing inaugural ball, we have our hands on some of the potential cabinet nominees.
Secretary of Treasury – Jay-Z: Kanye thought this position should be given to the richest person he knows, so naturally the best choice was HOV. Luckily, Jay is quite business savvy and would be the first cabinet member to have his own brand of alcohol. You crazy for this one Jay!
Secretary of Defense – 21 Savage: How many Yemeni's you starve? A lot.
Secretary of Education – Rick Ross: America’s recent wave of anti-bullying has turned our country soft. If there’s anybody that can deal with these snitches, it’s former corrections officer and current human blimp Rick Rozay.
Secretary of Energy – J. Cole: You thought this would be Drake, right? Well, fuck you.
Secretary of State – Drake: He’s foreign, he’s accessible and he’s diplomatic. Drake’s nomination as Secretary of State guarantees that this will be a world tour and not his girl’s tour.
Secretary of Interior – Kim Kardashian: Heh heh heh. Get it?
Secretary of Commerce – 2 Chainz: “2 Chainz, Fo Bracelets”. Let’s face it, we all want to be buried in the booty club when we die.
Secretary of Labor – Aziz Ansari: Nobody has a better work ethic than brown men in suits.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Macklemore: If there’s anything Ye loves more than leather basketball jerseys of obscure East African basketball players, it’s shock value. Ye wants to set history by designating the first White HUD Secretary. Other candidate considered was Kendrick Lamar.
Attorney General – Ruth Bader Ginsburg: She’s had a very compelling career and is one of Kanye’s favorite legal minds, this is the most predictable choice for Ye’s cabinet.
Secretary of Transportation – Wiz Khalifa: Thought you’d never see school buses being hot-boxed? Think again. NO KEYS, PUSH TO START.
Secretary of Homeland Security – 50 Cent: 50 got shot 9 times, survived, and then challenged Floyd Mayweather to read one page of Cat in the Hat. You think he’s scared of fucking ISIS?
Chief of Staff – Jaden Smith: The Chief of Staff has to be on the same page as the President, and the only person who says more potentially profound but largely incoherent shit than Kanye is Jaden (“how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN JADEN). Jaden is also one of Kanye’s spiritual advisors and most trusted confidants.